#1

Flash! Who was just caught smoking on school grounds? Flash! How was he caught? Well, students of Lincoln, you've come to the right place. Football star and seemingly Good Samaritan dater Ron Dayton has just been caught smoking on school grounds by the mild and mostly forgettable AP Mr. Pettit. Ron was smoking underneath the stands of the football stadium, which time after time has never been on Mr. Pettit's daily route of the grounds. So how did the invisible man find our quarterback? Here's the juicy part! Ron's current girlfriend Bernice Johnson (Ron must be doing this for charity right?) is apparently a die-hard health nut, granola and all. After days of trying to get to get her hunny-bunny to quit the horrible habit (really though just say no), Bernice went to drastic measures. How did Mr. Pettit know to check out the football stands? Bernice told him! Granted, it was done in good intentions (I guess... Snitch), but now Birch is on a rampage, ruining lunch time smoke breaks for all of your greasers and goth girls out there. And worse than that? If Ron Dayton is caught smoking again, Birch promised to end his football career, and our winning record along with it. I see a storm rising. What's coming next? Will Ron read this and still decide to stick with Bernice, or is she the habit he's going to kick? Only time will tell. Xoxo GG